Recognising The Voice Of Your Inner Child

Even though time moves on, and we all grow up, we all still have that part of us that feels everything we did as a child.

As children, we learn how to cope with the things that hurt us.  We can either try to ignore them and trap them down deep in our belly or jump up and down and have a tantrum.  We unconsciously carry those reactions and how they made us feel into our adulthood, these become our adult coping mechanism.   Even though as adults, we may not jump up and down like we did as a child, we still hold the cellular memory deep in our body.

We assume that because we are now adults, the child part of us is no longer there, but no matter how old we are or how much work we have done on ourselves our inner child is usually in control during our most emotional moments.

Our inner child is trying to get our attention to heal.  It’s that part of us that longs for attention, love, and validation. No matter how good our childhood was, we all seem to carry trauma trapped in our cells.  Of course, our levels of trauma will vary, but it will still leave you feeling the same; lost, alone, unwanted, unworthy, unloved, unheard and the list goes on.

The burden and scars we each grow up with are usually way too heavy for a child to deal with. And depending on our parents, it may have just been swept under the rug, in the hopes of being forgotten.  I know this feeling all too well.  My parents weren’t ones to express their feelings, so it was left up to me to deal with, the best way I knew how.

Unfortunately though, as we become adults before we even consider unpacking the abuse, neglect and not feeling worthy, we leave home, try and find a partner and start a family of our own. We try to create the family we had always desired to be part of. 

This is where the cycle begins all over again.  We are now being adults, living in the adult world, but still carrying all the abuse and unresolved trauma in our cells from our childhood.  Every reaction or decision we make has the undertones of our inner child. 

How well we parent our own children, how we are in relationships, marriages, friendships, and how we are in society all comes down to, how much of our trauma we have cleared from our childhood.

Once we start to have a relationship with our inner child, we can parent our own children better and be better role models for others. By learning to re-parent our inner child, we learn to be less reactive and more proactive in life. We learn to hold space for others when their inner child is reacting, and we don't take things so personally. By re-parenting our inner child, we begin to understand ourselves in ways we never have before.

BREAKING DOWN THE WALLS

We all have an inner child that at one time or another we’ve forgotten about.  It’s that part of us that we don’t really listen to, we think we’re being too silly or childish (or perhaps that’s what we’ve been told to keep us quiet).  We need to acknowledge this part; the only way to do that is by allowing the most vulnerable parts of ourselves to be experienced.  

We cannot heal what we don't know.  By getting to know your inner child, you can then begin to heal.

We all have to start somewhere, and getting back in touch with the person we are now is the first step.  The more we begin to listen to how we are feeling and what our body is trying to tell us the safer our inner child will begin to feel.  Slowly we can start to open that box that we have nailed shut and we can sit with all the emotions that surface.  In the beginning, the more you sit with these feelings, the more that will bubble up.  If you’re unsure how to even begin, the art of embodiment is a perfect introduction to get you familiar with your body.  If you feel these emotions and memories are too much to deal with on your own, it is advisable to reach out to a professional. You don’t want to unearth a trillion emotions when you’re not ready; you need to feel held and safe.  

I hear all the time, ‘I couldn’t imagine breaking down those walls or opening that can of worms, I locked that away tight so I wouldn’t have to deal with all that pain’.  The problem with that is, it’s always looming, like that dark corner of your soul that you never want to visit.

You’ve probably heard of the expression ‘dark night of the soul’ and wondered what on earth that related to. Well, it is very real and something we all must go through as we heal and release those painful memories.

Facing those uncomfortable and gnarly parts of who we are or what we may have done or had done to us, is probably the hardest part of opening that box, but the freedom and joy that comes on the other side far outweighs the crap we have to go through to get there. Click here to try 1 Simple Practise To Connect With Who You Really Are.

LETTING YOUR INNER CHILD KNOW IT’S SAFE TO BE HEARD

When we do unlock our repressed memories, our childhood is usually a very large part of what comes flooding to the surface.

It can be like somebody hit rewind on the movie projector and we start experiencing our life all over again. Some things we wouldn’t change for the world, they lift our hearts and make us feel safe and loved. Other memories may not be quite as pleasant and may leave us feeling taunted and alone.

Looking back into our childhood as adults, we realise it’s up to us to heal those parts of us that may still be broken or scarred.

We’re not here to lay blame or judge anyone for their past actions; we’re simply here to resolve the pain that resides within our body.

By holding on to this pain, we’re allowing our energy to live in the past, which in turn, is stopping us from being truly present now.

Don’t allow yourself to continue to bypass the pain that as a child, took a piece of your soul.

Heal that piece of your soul from your childhood, that piece that was crushed, that still manages, as an adult, to trigger you whenever something similar happens.

Allow yourself the time and space now, to go within and hold that little child that longed to be held.

Allow her to be heard, to express the hurt that exists. Allow yourself to sit with this pain for as long as that little girl needs.  Let her know that you have all the time in the world and you are there completely for her.

RE-PARENTING YOUR INNER CHILD

Re-parenting your inner child means nurturing yourselves the way you had always longed to be parented. We all have that part of us that desires to feel safe, loved, protected, nurtured and held.

Until we have formed a healthy relationship with our inner child, there will always be that part of us that desires to be acknowledged.

 It’s up to your healthy adult to be the one to nurture and re-parent your own inner child.

A very simple technique is:

When you feel into the heaviness that resides in your heart, picture the little girl that the pain belongs to.  Invite her to sit with you and let her know she is safe.  Shower her with love and kindness and let her know that you are with her every step of the way.

Allow your heart to overflow into her heart, show her how opening her heart and expressing her feelings will help to release that pain and torment that she is feeling.

Fill the field with peace and love.  Show her how peaceful her heart can be once her pain has been witnessed and released.

Let her know that, no matter what happened, it’s safe for that piece of her soul to come back and be whole again.

This incredibly powerful process allows those pieces of your soul that have fragmented off throughout your childhood, to come back and be re-threaded into who we are today. This, in turn, allows your energy to be fully present now, allowing your energy and soul to expand to your fullest possibilities.

This is something you can do in the comfort of your own home, but if you feel the memories are too traumatic to open on your own, please reach out for help.

If you would like to go deeper with this process or you require guidance with any other healing, please reach out. 

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