Honouring Ourselves, Each Other, And The Relationships That Unfold

Over the past month I’ve had many women and men reach out to me while I’ve been discussing the mystery of our Masculine and Feminine. This topic has certainly stirred up emotions and I feel called to encourage others to voice their thoughts. It’s through us talking about it, that brings change. 

It seems as though there has been an energy shift and many have found the strength to not only look within but also look at their relationships. 

Many women have recognised themselves within the words I have expressed about my journey.

So it seems the time is now for women to be addressing whether or not their empowered feminine energy has actually dis-empowered their husbands and partners.

And men need to address their feelings of being emasculated because their women don’t need them to do the things a man is ‘supposed’ to do.

If this is happening within our relationships, our children are noticing it and they’re picking up the patterns too. 

This may seem primitive to many (and I was one of those people a little while ago), but it’s the underlying difference between what makes a man and a woman tick.

So perhaps it’s time for more of us to be having these discussions with our partners. 

Start opening up the conversation instead of sitting in the negative energy that is currently stopping our relationships from moving forward. 

There is so much to discover when we look at the patterns we hold within ourselves, our partners and the generations that came before us. 

It’s like an intricate web that entangles our emotions, our memories and, more importantly, our future.

If we don’t address these dynamics it will literally stunt our growth, as well as our future generations growth. 

While we dance with these energies though, we can sometimes allow our boundaries to become a little blurred.

So I encourage you to really get to know who you are, and stand strong with your morals and values, as this is a very important part of honouring ourselves. 

Baby steps are all you need to take while you are sitting with the emotions and energies of your masculine and feminine.

HONOURING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WITHIN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

One thing that has surprised me during recent discussions with my clients, was that many believe only men know how to ‘put up boundaries, because they know how to separate their family and business life’. 

This just showed me that many people don’t understand how creating boundaries benefits us all. They just see them as a way of separation and not a way to honour ourselves. 

So I felt a part of my discussion needed to be about honouring our boundaries. 

Healthy boundaries are necessary to allow each of us to have the personal space we need for our own well-being and mental health. We must recognise and honour the time we need to give to ourselves to just BE.

It’s important to continue to see the value in our boundaries, especially when we’re trying to unravel our energy, be it healing a trauma, a pattern, or how we navigate any energies within us.

Throughout the month I’ve discussed how (as a young child) I altered my perception of the world to allow me to co-exist within my family and how that (in a way) warped the very way I viewed my reality.

Children have funny ways of coping, so helping them to appreciate boundaries as a way of allowing them to be true to themselves, is crucial.

So take a look at the following examples and see how your body feels while you’re reading them. They illustrate the differences between healthy and unhealthy boundaries in a relationship.

Healthy: Knowing what you want and communicating it

Unhealthy: Feeling like you are responsible for other people’s happiness

Healthy: Saying no and accepting when other people say no

Unhealthy: Always saying yes and not prioritising yourself

Healthy: Valuing your personal boundaries and not compromising them for anyone

Unhealthy: Disrespecting other people’s values and beliefs

Healthy: Communicating in an open and honest fashion

Unhealthy: Manipulating others with your words and actions and being dishonest

Healthy: Being your own person

Unhealthy: Feeling incomplete without your partner

Healthy: Accepting change in a relationship

Unhealthy: Being unable to move on and accept changes

Healthy: Listening attentively to your partner while he/she is talking

Unhealthy: Always interrupting and making it all about yourself

Healthy: Taking comments in a mature way

Unhealthy: Taking comments personally

Healthy: Respecting your partner’s own personal space and trusting him/her

Unhealthy: Being too clingy, jealous, and demanding

CONSCIOUS APPRECIATION WITHIN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

As much as I’ve been drawn to the masculine/feminine dynamics, I’ve also been drawn to honouring each aspect of our relationships too.

Are there any questions below that make you wonder if you could behave, act, or react differently?

It’s not how much you share with your partner or how often you talk to them, but your level of consciousness and self-awareness when you do.

Are you communicating openly and honestly, and having difficult conversations when required? 

Are you being accountable for the energy you bring into the relationship and making sure you don’t use it as a dumping ground? 

Are you taking responsibility for your own triggers and not expecting your partner to be responsible for past trauma which has nothing to do with them? 

Are you communicating with kindness and respect, not saying words you can’t take back? 

Are you honouring your partner’s space and making requests, not demands? 

Are you communicating clearly with them what your needs are, and also asking about how you can honour their needs? 

It’s not about listening to what your partner tells you throughout the day, but about really hearing what they are telling you. 

Do you listen with the intent to reply, or to understand? 

Do you tune in when they are sharing something with you, giving them your full attention? 

Are you taking time to hear what is beneath the words they are sharing with you? 

Can you hear the hurt, pain, frustration, and sadness below the surface? 

Are you asking them how best you can support them in the moment, whether it be holding space, offering a solution, or giving your feedback? 

Are you listening without interrupting, and not making their story about you? 

This is conscious listening…

Unfortunately, few of us got to witness healthy relationships growing up, and we haven’t been shown the tools that are actually needed in healthy relationships: emotional regulation, nervous system awareness, open communication, vulnerability, asking directly for our needs to be met.

Far too many of us have been conditioned to believe in the 'romance' of mind reading. ‘If you really knew me, you’d know what I want.’ Unfortunately, I think most of my ex-partners probably heard that one. 

WAKING UP TO A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP 

Is facing the reality that relationships aren't a fairy tale.

They take work and commitment to ourselves and each other. 

They're a beautiful place for moral growth and evolution. 

The goal isn't to be 100% conscious. 

Or to perfectly navigate each other's trauma. 

Or to always be supportive.

We're human.

We fall into old patterns.

We have tantrums.

We hurt and disappoint each other.

This is part of life. 

The goal is to learn how to trust ourselves, to learn how to let another person in, to trust another, and to accept the parts of ourselves we deny or suppress, so that we can accept parts of another. 

It's through our relationships that we have an opportunity to heal our past.

All of this comes from knowing ourselves first and putting in the work as an individual before we try it as a couple.

When I started down the road of masculine and feminine energy, who knew I would be perhaps opening the door to the possibility of a new relationship? 

A conscious relationship that’s created purposefully, decisively, and with intention. 

It requires clarity and choice around how you want your relationship to feel, how you like to love and be loved, and what your boundaries and non-negotiables are.

Above all, it’s intentionally structured to support those needs and desires.

This is something I’m prepared to be open to, are you?

Marriages and relationships have changed dramatically throughout the last century. 

What we want and expect from a relationship has grown infinitely more complex.

Relationships are no longer about simply meeting our basic needs for food, shelter, and security.

Modern relationships go beyond biological needs and into the realm of the emotional and spiritual:

We want to feel loved and cherished

We want a partner to share life’s adventures with

And we want our relationship to nurture and inspire us, to help us grow into our best selves and fulfil our highest potential

All relationships have the potential to meet these needs. But a consciously loving relationship makes this a priority.

So if you feel the calling please reach out for a soul chat to start opening your awareness to living and loving consciously. 

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