Are You The Black Sheep Of The Family Being Called To Heal Your Lineage?
For those of you who can relate to the term ‘black sheep,’ you’ll understand what I mean when I say, the emotions and feelings associated with those two simple words can create such an imprint that even hearing the words will trigger an emotional response.
I lived those emotions for the first 45 years of my life. So I know first hand the trauma and pain you go through, feeling like you’re on the outer.
Laughing at the jokes ‘you must have been adopted or swapped at birth’ but truly wondering deep down if you were.
The pain is gut-wrenching and heartbreaking.
Feeling the judgement from the rest of your family like you’re an alien and ‘why can’t you be more like your brother’.
Well when I read the words below by Bert Hellinger, it confirmed all the feelings I have felt my entire life. I’d love to know if these words resonate for you too.
A family's black sheep are actually liberators of their family tree.
Family members who don't adapt to family rules or traditions, those who constantly try to revolutionize beliefs.
Those who choose roads contrary to the well-beaten paths of family lines, those who are criticized, judged and even rejected.
These are called to free the family from repetitive patterns that frustrate entire generations.
These so-called ′′ black sheep ", the ones that don't fit, the ones that howl with rebellion, actually repair, detox and create new thriving branches in their family tree
Countless unreal desires, broken dreams or frustrated talents of our ancestors manifest themselves through this revolt.
The family tree will do anything to maintain the neutral and toxic course of its trunk, which will make the rebel's task difficult and conflicting.
Stop doubting and take care of your rarity ′′like the most precious flower in your tree.”
You are the dream of all your ancestors.
~ Bert Hellinger
These words bring tears to my eyes.
So if you’re meant to be the change maker, don’t follow the patterns walked before you.
It’s okay to walk your own path.
Be true to yourself.
Stand out from everyone else.
Be the unique Soul you were born to be.
SO WHAT IS A BLACK SHEEP?
The black sheep of the family is a term that refers to a family member who is considered different and doesn’t fit in with the family’s persona and values.
The term ‘black sheep’ can have extremely strong negative connotations as if that person is considered an outcast or troublemaker.
On top of being considered weird, ‘black sheep’ are often scapegoats and blamed for the majority of a family’s problems.
Essentially, the black sheep is a way that families avoid their own internal pain, disappointments, and struggles, by pointing the finger at another family member as the cause for all the problems they experience.
If you are the ‘black sheep’ in your family, you are most likely chosen as the problem child.
You are blamed for most of your family’s issues either directly or indirectly.
You feel like most of your family members completely misunderstand you.
You don’t have much in common with any of your family members in terms of likes, tastes, and preferences.
You struggle to emotionally or mentally connect with your family members.
You’re made fun of, belittled, shamed, or bullied.
You often feel like you’re adopted or were raised in the wrong family.
The pain of being rejected, scorned, and even disowned cuts deep to the core.
As a person who was the black sheep of my birth family, I know how traumatic it can be.
However, over time I learnt that the greatest awakenings come from the deepest trauma.
So now I thank my family for showing me how different I was.
Because as the black sheep, we’re gifted with the opportunity to start our soul searching from a young age, free from the suffocating confines of our family’s expectations and desires.
HOW THESE EMOTIONAL WOUNDS CAN AFFECT OUR MENTAL HEALTH IF LEFT UNRESOLVED
The support and love (or lack of) from our families can either make or completely break us, especially in our early years.
They can be our safe space and encourage and uplift us, to help us grow and become the person we were born to be.
Or they can demoralise, oppress, and persecute us.
Depending on where you are on the family spectrum, you can be a relatively well-adjusted individual or a person plagued with problems.
Our experiences from our family form a large part of the foundation of our self-worth, feelings of belonging, and psychological and emotional well-being as adults.
So what happens when you’re the black sheep of the family?
You feel rejected, disrespected, or even disowned by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.
You feel alone in life.
You struggle to relate to other people.
It’s extremely difficult to trust people in relationships, friendships, work situations, etc.
Trusting yourself and your instincts can also be hard, so you often feel lost and without an inner compass.
Emotional commitments can trigger all sorts of betrayal and trust issues.
You carry big oppressive core beliefs such as ‘not being good enough,’ and ‘there’s something wrong with me.’
Deep down, you feel that if someone truly got to know you, they wouldn’t like you anymore.
You feel fundamentally unlovable.
You’re either overly dependent on your friends for emotional validation or you prefer to go solo and bypass friendship altogether.
Social anxiety is a regular issue that you battle.
Your life feels like one big existential crisis.
You grapple with depressive and/or addictive tendencies.
All of these emotional and mental issues are very real and can be extremely debilitating.
However, as I have expressed before, being the black sheep and always being true to yourself, can also be a beautiful gateway and invitation into unveiling the real you.
You’ve already been judged and ridiculed your entire life for being who you are by your family, so in a way, they’ve already shown you the worst that can happen.
In reality, the people who will be attracted to your personality, energy and soul will unconditionally welcome you with open arms.
It’s only because your family hasn’t had the strength and determination to be true to themselves that they shun you.
I now hold so much love and gratitude to my family for all the lessons they unveiled for me to experience. Without them, I never would have faced as many struggles and grown into the woman I am today.
7 WAYS TO HEAL THE TRAUMA FROM BEING THE BLACK SHEEP OF YOUR FAMILY
1. Create healthy boundaries that preserve your mental health
It may be necessary for your own well-being to completely remove yourself from your family.
Healthy boundaries are created by allowing your values, morals, and soul to determine who you allow to play a part in your life.
Being surrounded by constant negative behaviour may have been unavoidable when you were younger, but now you can choose the energy, and people, who you surround yourself with.
To understand more about boundaries, The following article may interest you: Energetic boundaries and why we need them.
2. Understand that you are not the cause of your family’s dysfunction
Consciously you may know this, but deep down there’s probably still some doubt in you. Sure, you may have made some mistakes in your life, but so does everyone. Just because you are imperfect does not mean you are the source of the dysfunction in your family.
If you were the black sheep or still are, by now you will have realised that they are the cause of their own suffering, not you.
To understand more about Family Dysfunction, The following article may interest you: How Family Trauma affects our health.
3. Create your own authentic soul family
Now that your birth family has helped you discover your likes and dislikes, it’s over to you to do the rest.
Creating your soul family is something that happens quite naturally and over time.
As your energy evolves and grows throughout your life your authentic soul family will automatically resonate with how you choose to live.
You may even find your souls have already danced together in previous lives.
4. Learn to love yourself and embrace your wounded inner child
We all possess an inner child, the part of us that sees the world through the eyes of innocence, wonder, and spontaneous joy. Our inner child, however, also deals with the greatest amount of wounding growing up – and it’s for this reason that we need to learn to listen to and nurture it.
Signs that you have a wounded inner child include addictive tendencies, sudden unexplainable fears, anxiety and depression, and the unshakable feeling of being worthless or empty inside.
If you find that no amount of self-improvement helps, chances are that you aren’t going deep enough. Your inner child must be sought out, embraced, and nurtured through the practice of consistent self-love.
To understand more about your inner child, The following article may interest you: Recognising the voice of your Inner Child.
5. Hold compassion for your family’s pain
You may wonder why you would want to do that, but feeling into the pain of your family is actually helping you on a collective level.
This is when understanding the emotions that have been trapped in your family possibly for many generations will help you weave new fresh energy in, to ultimately help future generations.
Reflecting on what causes a person or group of people to reject or shun a person in the first place will help you to see the situation with a fresh set of eyes.
Even recognising them as a narcissist or golden child will help you understand possibly some of their pain that you may not have noticed because of the pain you were carrying.
While we usually can’t awaken our families from their destructive habits, we can develop compassion and forgiveness for them.
Understanding why we were treated the way we were, may not change the past but will have a huge impact on your future.
To understand more about your Generational Healing, The following article may interest you: How to Identify Generational Trauma.
6. Allow your pain to be the gateway to unlock your authentic self
As I mentioned previously, being the black sheep of the family is both a curse and a gift. Now that you are energetically free from your family, you can focus your energy inwards, listen to the whispers of your heart, and plunge the depths of your soul.
Once you embrace being a black sheep and no longer fight against it, you are initiated into your own unique spiritual journey. What could be more precious than that?
To understand more about allowing your pain to be your gateway, the following article may interest you: Reweaving your energy grid while you’re uplevelling.
7. Connect with your heart and listen to your intuition
Finally, to heal the wounds of being the black sheep of the family, you need to reconnect with your soul desires.
Tuning into your deeper soul purpose helps you to come from a place of love, compassion, connection and creativity all of which combined create your unique authentic life – the kind that many people dream about.
When being outcast by our family, it’s common to close your heart and totally shut off from life, this is a self-protection mechanism. But eventually, you need to learn to open back up. To feel your pain. To do your grief work. To practice letting go. To blossom into your truest Self.
To understand more about connecting to your authentic self, the following article may interest you: Soul Awareness
The journey to discover yourself while overcoming your family trauma may take you a lifetime to travel. There may be many obstacles pushing you in different directions, but staying true to your inner voice will help you navigate the way.
‘Illuminate your Lineage Patterns’ is the fourth pillar of my Liberate Your Lineage program. If you’re like me and this is something your soul is calling you to do or if reading any of this has sparked some curiosity in you, please reach out for a chat. I offer a free 30-minute discovery call to help you feel into the container of this program.
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