Allowing Your Grief To Be Seen Through Different Eyes

Grief is a subject that so many of us tiptoe around. On one hand, those who are grieving don’t want to burden others with their sadness, and on the other hand, those who are witnesses don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset those grieving even more. It’s such an unspoken emotion that seems to leave everyone in limbo. 

My desire is to bring awareness to the entire process, to encourage people to share their grief and speak openly about their emotions instead of bottling them up or falling deep into depression. 

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone who has touched our heart. 

It’s something that has seemed to surround my life since I was a little girl, and because I experienced the loss of my sister at such an early age, the way I first experienced grief was as a life-shattering tragedy, making me feel like I would never feel the same again.

I can still feel the heartbreaking emotion that goes along with the many losses I have encountered. However, becoming a Soul Practitioner and an End of Life Doula I now know that when I allow my heart to open at the very core of my deepest grief, it gives me an opportunity to view what is happening with an energy of love rather than loss. 

This allows us to honour our loved one, and their life, with the love and joy they brought into our life. 

Grief comes in many layers, being present and opening up to what is happening for the soul of our loved one who is transitioning can offer a space for new beginnings to emerge.

We as humans have a tendency to sit in the emotion of suffering and emptiness, but when we allow the fullness of what is actually happening to be felt, it gives us the opportunity to not only farewell our loved one but to also celebrate the start of their soul’s next chapter.

I know it may be hard to think of it in that way, but when you do, it allows a more loving process for our loved one who is leaving this earth. 

When we view grief as part of our life and not something that is ‘all consuming’ it helps us to sit with these emotions allowing joy to enter when it’s time.

ALLOW GRATITUDE TO GUIDE YOUR GRIEF

Grief is an incredible reminder to be grateful for the relationship you were blessed to have as part of your life. This encourages us to bring in the beauty of who you have lost, while still honouring the loss that you feel. 

Through caring for my father and sharing the good and bad in his final years, it showed me that grief will surprise you at every turn. Grief can be beautiful, sad, joyous, angry, panicked and empty. None of these emotions are right or wrong, they just are. 

It’s the polarity of all these emotions that hold the energy of grief. 

We can watch a physical scar close up and heal over time, but with emotions, it’s completely different, our wound opens and closes depending on the parts of life we are journeying with. 

When we’re deep in the middle of the spectrum of emotions, it’s the most challenging yet it can also be seen as beautiful and serene. 

When we’re at either end of the spectrum we’re either so deep in the pain that we can’t think or feel anything else or we’re completely ignoring what has happened and we’re so far from understanding the truth of our emotion that we’re in complete denial. 

They say ignorance is bliss, and that’s because you’ve completely numbed out from the range of emotions of your reality.

So allow gratitude to help you navigate the emotions that you don’t know how to feel. 

Allow the sadness of grief to live with the beauty of life. Celebrate the happiness you shared while feeling the sadness of the emptiness. 

Allow the beauty of the full spectrum of emotions to wash over your body. That is where your Soul truly wants you to reside. 

That is where the beauty of the world will find you.

DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONS OF AN EXPECTED DEATH

When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing.

Don't run out and call the nurse or doctor. 

Don't pick up the phone.

Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment. 

There's a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this world.

At the moment they take their last breath, there's an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.

We're so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic response kicks in. "They're dead!" 

We knew they were going to die, so their being dead is not a surprise. It's not a problem to be solved. It's extremely sad, but it's no cause for panic.

If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what's happening. 

Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room.

What's happening for you?

What might be happening for them?

What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way?

Tune into all the beauty and magic. 

Pausing gives our soul a chance to adjust, no matter how prepared we are, death is still a shock.

If we kick right into "do" mode, we never get a chance to absorb the enormity of the event.

Give yourself as long as you need to just be. You'll never get that time back again if you don't take it.

After that, do the smallest thing you can. Call the one person who needs to be called. Engage whatever systems need to be engaged, but move really, really, slowly, because this is a period where it's easy for our body and soul to get separated.

BEING PRESENT DURING GRIEF

Our bodies can very easily gallop forward ahead of our grief when we’re the person that needs to organise the events after our loved one has passed, but we need to be aware that our soul needs time to process and integrate our loss. 

Give yourself space to be quiet and present.  Allow yourself as much time as you need, nobody is going to give it a second thought if you speak up and say ‘please give me a few minutes to breathe’.

You won't get a chance to catch your breath later on. You need to do it now. 

Being present in the moments after our loved one has passed is an incredible gift to yourself, the people around you, and to the person who has just died.

They're just a hair's breath away and in those moments being present for them is all they desire. Give yourself that moment to connect and say your last words. 

While the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest, give them the farewell and the blessings for their next chapter that they deserve. 

They're just starting their new journey in the world without a body, so they may be feeling uncertain. They may not want to let you go, but creating that connection during those early moments allows that connection to strengthen, not fade. 

If you keep a calm space around their body, they're able to transition in a more peaceful way.  It's a precious gift to both sides of the veil.

Remember, the moment they take their last breath is an incredibly sacred time. Honour it with prayer, reflection and gratitude for the blessings they brought into your life. 

The veil between the worlds is open, so allow it to be filled with grace and love.

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