Seeing The Love and The Pain Within a Parent Child Relationship
By looking closely at ourselves, we discover that our emotions, behaviours, and beliefs are those that were impressed upon us during our youth by our parents, grandparents, and the generations that preceded them.
Much of our emotions evolve from passively witnessing our parents. We then unconsciously perpetuate cycles of the previous generations, such as fear of having enough, not showing affection, and secrecy patterns. Yet the transmission of negative patterns from one generation to the next is not inevitable.
It is possible to become the endpoint at which our emotions can let go of the negative family cycles that have thrived for generations.
Breaking the pattern is a matter of overcoming those values, imprinted upon us long ago, in order to replace them with pure love, tolerance, and conscious awareness.
Even if you have emotionally struggled with the cumulative effects of family neglect, you can still liberate yourself from the effects of your family history.
You may one day simply realise that certain aspects of your early life have negatively affected your health, happiness, and ability to evolve as an individual.
Or you may find that, in order to transcend long-standing patterns of emotional neglect, limiting beliefs, and irrational behaviour, you have to question your values and earnestly examine how your parents have impacted your personality.
Only when you fully understand how family traits have influenced you emotionally, can you gain freedom from those cycles.
In order to truly change, you must give yourself permission to change. Breaking family patterns is in no way an act of defiance or betrayal.
It is important that you trust yourself implicitly when determining the behaviours and beliefs that will help you overwrite the emotional skills your parents weren’t able to teach you.
Many people are on the earth at this time to break family cycles, you are true pioneers.
In breaking negative family cycles, you will discover that your ability to express your feelings and needs grow exponentially, and that you will embark upon a journey toward greater well-being that can positively impact generations to come.
LETTING THEM KNOW YOU CARE
From allowing myself time to sit with the pain I carried from my parents, I can speak with certainty that there are words we all need to hear, no matter how old we are, and we want to hear them directly from our parents.
Whether we're little, teens, young adults, or mature adults… We're never too young or too old to hear these 5 important things.
What would our world be like if everyday parents and role models were sharing these messages with their children?
1. Thank you – you give my life purpose and joy
There is nothing in life more valuable than the relationships we have with our loved ones.
These relationships bring purpose and joy to our lives. The purpose of parenthood is unlike anything else, giving life to another and encouraging them to evolve, brings a new level of depth and meaning to our life journey.
So, tell your children this!
Let them know the gravity of their value, purpose, and meaning in your life, how much they have enriched your world!
2. I love you – every moment, including all the times I don't say it or act that way
People of all ages need to receive love and affirmation to support them on their journey in life, and it's incredibly important to get that directly from our parents or guardians.
Children look to their parents and immediate role models (guardians and grandparents, etc.) for bonding, security, safety, acceptance, and unconditional love.
It's not enough to be loving. This world can be a challenging place, and each soul needs to HEAR and FEEL the words, “I love you”.
3. I'm sorry – for anything that I've said or done, or not said or done, that might have let you down
No one is perfect, and the ability to say, “I'm sorry” goes a long way to building bonds and a sense of security in a relationship.
While most of us know this, we may not think about this in terms of the parent/child relationship. Most of the time, we immediately think of children needing to say sorry for doing something wrong, not meeting expectations, or being naughty. But what about when adults get it wrong?
When adults say sorry, it teaches our children valuable lessons in humility, making amends, and forgiveness, and it also builds a deeper level of trust.
4. I appreciate you - You're an incredible person and what I appreciate most about you is…
How good does it feel when someone praises you for some inherent part of your nature and personality?
It's a huge affirmation, a confidence booster, a wave of love washes over you.
By praising our children, we cement the essentials for life… self-esteem, self-confidence, self-belief, and self-love.
Even though I have 4 amazing, adult children, who all have the same parents and upbringing, they are all entirely different. They each have different strengths and weaknesse,s and are all uniquely their own person. Knowing how they tick, and what makes them who they are, is the blessing life offers us.
Take the time to understand them, to get to know them, and share with them how much you appreciate them for who they are.
5. I'm proud of you – for who you are, no matter what you do
In a society that is built to condition people to strive to be more, get more, and do more, too many children grow up thinking they need to achieve certain standards in order to be loved, and in order for their parents to be proud of them. I know I felt this.
Because social media, news, and advertising are all working hard to condition young minds to become more, do more, get more, succeed, strive, and look a certain way in order to be “good”, it's our job to tell our children (no matter how old they are) that we are proud of them, full stop.
We're proud of them for who they are as a person, no matter what they do.
Children need to know that there is nothing they can do or not do, say or not say, that will make them less or more loved. They are magical just as they are.
This gives children the mindset and emotional foundation necessary to thrive in their life…
So they can go out into life to creatively and intuitively follow their heart's desire to whatever they freely choose to be, do, and experience in this world. Not for validation or acceptance, just for the joy of it.
So, allow their passion and creativity to flow free by accepting them for who they are.
RECOGNISING OUR PARENTS ARE HUMAN
Acknowledging that our parents had their own life, and their own pain and emotions, before they became our parents is a huge part of loving THEM and loving YOU.
I know it may be hard to see your parents as actual people who had a life before you were born, but, by doing this, it allows the energy of their pain and insecurities to be acknowledged and accepted.
Taking it one step further, and seeing your parents as children with their own vulnerabilities and pain that they carry from their childhood, weaves a field of acceptance within your lineage.
Perhaps even take yourself back to a time when your parents were the age you are now.
Feel the pressure you experience in your everyday life, but then picture your parents living that pressure when you were the age your children are now.
Recognising they’re human, too, and they went through similar life experiences (maybe even worse), may allow you to open up to why they were the way they were when you were growing up.
I’m not saying it gives them an excuse for their behaviour, or how they made you feel, but understanding they’re human and they were doing the best they knew how to do at the time, may help you forgive the pain you endured.
Completing the cycle between the generations will bring fresh energy into your family’s timeline. This, in turn, will allow your parents, when their time comes, to transition from this world feeling loved, forgiven, and most importantly understood.
We all look back on life at some point and feel we should have done better, made better choices, or treated someone with more kindness.
By holding space for your loved ones who came before you, and those who come after you, you start to interpret what your body and soul are revealing to you.
It’s your opportunity to re-thread the energy and acknowledge and forgive the past, but, before you do, give the energy of your future generations the chance to have their input too.
Bringing this fresh life to an event that may have collapsed your field previously, can help to fundamentally build out a new foundation allowing your future to be more sturdy.
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