Our Soul's Desire For a Conscious Relationship
I’m always fascinated by where our energy takes us. It’s like our soul takes us by the hand and gently guides us to our next unveiling.
By following the patterns that have unfolded throughout my life, I have been guided to unpack trauma and patterns that have been passed down through my lineage, as well as lessons my soul came here to learn. This has allowed me to discover parts of myself that have been dormant and hiding in the shadows.
Through going within over the last few months, and feeling into my energy, I found my masculine and feminine and my inner child have been trapped in the wounding of the past from when I was a little girl, but it hasn’t only been my wounding, it’s the wounding of many women that walked before me in my lineage.
Whenever we find ourselves confronted with our wounded or unhealthy self, it’s our responsibility to ourselves, our lineage, and those around us to shed a light on it.
It doesn’t mean beating ourselves up for having a shadow, and judging ourselves for where we’re at in our process, or even for coming from a belief that we’re broken and need to be fixed.
Doing this work is about truly learning to love and accept ourselves, and our differences, in all of our darkness and our light.
WE ARE FULL SPECTRUM BEINGS, AND EVERY PART OF US IS BEAUTIFUL
As we step into truly discovering ourselves, it’s crucial to remember that perfection is not our goal. No relationship is perfect. Even the most ‘conscious’ relationships will present conflict.
When we commit to seeing our patterns and understanding our minds, we often find the perfect people to bring it all to the surface.
Relationships can be our most profound teachers, if we choose partners and friends willing to be allies in our healing.
SO, WHAT IS A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP?
Conscious relationships start with a foundation of self-love and acceptance. When we start our journey of healing through conscious relationships, we must remember that it all starts within.
Everything conscious, including our relationships, are a way of being.
It’s our commitment to understanding and discovering our authentic self: our mind, our shadows, our thoughts, and our patterns.
It’s choosing compassion over holding a grudge and resentment.
It’s letting go instead of holding on to our righteousness.
When two people choose to go deep in a relationship, it’s inevitable for our shadow side to rear its head. And, when it does, we get to choose how we show up.
We are invited to be vulnerable when confronted by our fears and triggers. We are asked to drop our walls and defenses, and show our hearts, even when it feels scary and uncomfortable.
We’re invited to show up as whole and complete, and see the same in our partner.
We need to see the relationship itself as a living, breathing entity.
A conscious relationship is a commitment to coming back to love in every moment.
So, it’s crucial to explore the essence of our inner world, before we share the connection in a relationship with someone else.
If we choose to disregard our inner world, we will always see the challenges in our relationships as outside of us. So, by integrating the pieces within first, we allow an ease and flow with our relationship with others.
Understanding how conscious relationships work doesn’t require us to be in a romantic relationship.
As long as we have a commitment and desire to know ourselves, we can begin ‘doing the work’.
We have the power to shift our patterns and how our relationships look, without having to convince anyone outside of us to change or be different. This is where the real shifts begin.
SO, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO DO CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP WORK?
It’s, first and foremost, developing a deep relationship with self, and becoming friends with our shadow.
We can learn so much about ourselves when we learn to appreciate and love our shadow for the lessons that have come our way.
This may be confronting, but it’s the only true way to understand yourself before you expect someone else to understand you.
So, learn to self-soothe and feel safe in your own body.
Gain tools and awareness to develop emotional intelligence, and practice healthy communication.
Understand how to build healthy boundaries and listen to your body.
Learning to communicate your needs and wants with love.
See conflict as an opportunity and an invitation for growth.
Take your time to look at your relationship patterns and your wiring around love.
It’s a commitment to understanding our own mind, body, and soul. This means we practice taking ownership for our experiences, making self-inquiry, compassion, and acceptance our first response to any discomfort in our lives, rather than looking at someone else as the problem or for them to fix it.
So, hold space for the sadness, grief, insecurity, vulnerability, and unprocessed trauma and pain. These are lower vibrational emotions, so we need to uplift their vibration with love, joy, peace, and acceptance.
Sometimes, we may get stuck on the healing path because it feels like too much. Guilt and shame kick in, and we’d prefer to go back to being blissfully unaware rather than carry the burden of feeling like a failure.
But we’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all hurt and been hurt. We’ve all fallen flat on our faces, lost love, and behaved in ways we’re not proud of. It’s what we do NOW that counts.
Healing takes time.
Don’t beat yourself up for your past mistakes. That’s just another mechanism of the ego to keep you stuck.. True healing is about bringing curiosity and kindness to all of your past selves, and seeking to understand what you were protecting yourself from.
Underneath all of our shields is a deep innocence and vulnerability. This is an invitation for you to go there.
HOW DO YOU GROW A CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP?
When two people are truly committed to building a sacred, conscious relationship, what they’re really committing to is an honest, self-loving, and radically authentic relationship with self, as well as their partner.
A truly committed relationship may look magical, but it’s really composed of tiny moments of choice, presenting you with opportunities to tell the truth and live from an open honest space.
Notice as you find the courage to take responsibility.
Choose to feel, rather than go numb.
Choose to communicate about a broken promise, rather than allowing it to brew within.
Choose to support your partner as he or she goes through deep feelings.
Ultimately, once these skills are practiced and internalised, relationships flow effortlessly.
Once your nervous system learns to stay at a higher level of aliveness, and doesn’t need to numb itself by lying, breaking promises, or hiding feelings, the real magic begins to flow.
Our most difficult relationships have the capacity to become our greatest teachers.
With humility and willingness to look deeper, we recognise that the hurt we experience acts as gateways for our own healing.
Healing our relationships can be difficult, but we need to move through the uncomfortableness, and be courageous and compassionate with ourselves.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean we are responsible for someone else’s actions. It simply means we are willing to own the part of the breakdown that we may have been part of.
It means we no longer choose to operate from a place of blissful ignorance.
We’re finally ready to own our power and integrate our shadow.
One of the first things to do when embarking on this journey, is to look inward and connect to our true feelings.
What’s really behind the defensiveness, avoidance, anxiety, control, jealousy, or anger?
Looking at each of these emotions, and how you feel towards others, gives you a huge insight into your relationship with self.
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