Are Your Limiting Beliefs From Previous Relationships Sabotaging Your Current Ones?

It’s amazing how many patterns the human body is able to hold throughout our lifetime. Patterns that we probably don’t even give a second thought about. But when we combine these patterns with the limiting beliefs that have been ingrained in us, they can be extremely detrimental to ourselves and the relationships we are in. 

I’ve always been someone who likes to take myself out of the equation and act as the observer wherever possible. It allows me to see how I act and react to certain people and their behaviours, without the emotion that goes along with it. I recommend you try this if you’re in a conversation and you want to honour the other person’s point of view without allowing your emotions to react.  

So what do you do when you start noticing within yourself, a pattern that has been beaten into you from previous relationships  and you want to make a conscious effort to remove them?

I raise this question because recently while I’ve been unpacking trauma from my childhood and adult life, I have come to recognise ways I have allowed myself to be treated, as well as what I have come to accept. 

I have worked extensively over the past few years to remove any trauma as it reveals itself to me, so I can live my life free from the shackles of the past. 

So when another pattern reveals itself, it’s time to sit in a place of curiosity and work through why I feel this way and what I can do to replace that pattern with one that better serves the person I desire to be.

I’ll give you an example from my life; From a very young age I was taught that in order for someone to like me, I had to do something to please them. This taught me that I wasn’t good enough being who I was, and in order for someone to like me I must act a certain way. Looking at that on a deeper level, I have an underlying belief that if I receive something from someone, I need to reciprocate and also do something for them, otherwise they will think I’m selfish. 

Shouldn’t we all feel special enough to receive without needing to reciprocate?

What we need to do is practice the joy of receiving, with no hidden agenda, just the beauty of how it is given. 

WHAT ARE LIMITING BELIEFS? 

A limiting belief is any negative or fear-based belief that limits your potential.

The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, how the world works, or what’s possible for us, is often based on past pain.

So how do limiting beliefs form?

We are all born into families with certain views (some that may be beneficial to us and some that may be detrimental) add to that, society's demanding and regimented ways and we all start to see the world in a specific way.

For example; If you were raised by parents that viewed the world as a hostile place you may grow up feeling how hard life is and no matter what you do, isn’t going to get any easier. 

If you were raised by parents who believed each problem has an equal solution, it allows you to view the world as a place where anything is possible with the right perspective. 

Approaching every challenge with the curiosity of, what can I learn from this, and how can this better serve me, is a much more gentle loving approach for our nervous system 

Wouldn’t you prefer to meet the world with love and openness rather than suspicion and fear?

It’s these experiences that create and form our beliefs.

Ideally, when we’re children we’re taught confidence, from loving experiences with the adults in our life. But sometimes we’re taught insecurity.

Maybe you felt like nothing you did was ever good enough. 

Or a sibling got more attention than you.

Or perhaps you learned that because you were a girl, you had to do or not do certain things to be considered good.

Maybe you were taught that success comes from working in an office and having a fancy title.

Or maybe you were taught that success and money is for other people, not for someone like you, who grew up in the neighbourhood you did.

These experiences are sometimes passed on verbally, but other times through body language or even genetically.

Trauma is a repressed emotion that can be carried our entire life and even passed on through our lineage.

Each time we feel rejected for who we are, our ideas, or desires or needs, we feel pain. This is a trauma, no matter how small or large because it made us feel unsafe.

And in that painful experience of not feeling safe, we blame ourselves for the pain. In turn, we adapted, limiting beliefs and behaviours to help us fit in and receive the love and resources we needed to survive.

Rather than wondering if our worldview was flawed (which was impossible because we were so young), we believed we were flawed.

As a result, we dial down our unique qualities, try to blend in, learn to play it safe, learn what it means to be a good person, and adopt the rules of what our family and society see as necessary for surviving in the world.

Now that you realise you’ve been exposed to many limiting beliefs, and you are actually in charge of your own destiny, you get to change your worldview to create whatever kind of life you want.

WAYS TO OVERCOME YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

If your desire is to create a life with an open mind and an open heart, you first need to invest in yourself and do the work to unveil the shadows that you’ve chosen to ignore. 

We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to self-sabotage, so being honest and real with yourself is the most important thing you can promise yourself during this time. 

1. Identify the limiting beliefs

The easiest way to identify limiting beliefs is to start with a specific area where you’re struggling.

What is the story you're telling yourself around this struggle?

Is that story ultimately true?

We need to identify the limiting beliefs around the roles we play in life; mother, daughter, sister, wife, boss, employee, etc and how they may be triggering you or limiting your potential.

Do you feel like you never have time for you?

You’re always bending your day and desires to accommodate others even though nobody does the same for you?

Do you feel guilty for doing or buying things that bring you joy?

Are you angry that nobody understands how hard your life has been?

All these scenarios are outdated stories and limiting beliefs that are running the show, things that aren't even true, but create so much stress and frustration.

Your struggle will continue until you correct the cause.

You have the power to change your life. 

Nobody else, just you.

2. Release underlying emotional pain

Painful limiting beliefs are energetically encoded in our bodies, which is why it's necessary to heal emotionally before changing the belief to something more empowering.

This happens when emotions related to past painful experiences aren't fully processed, which is extremely common since most of us weren't taught healthy ways of navigating our emotions.

Without releasing the emotions underneath the limiting belief, you won't allow yourself to believe the better one. It will feel like a lie, something that can't possibly be true.

But when you release painful emotions, you're suddenly free to believe empowering things and take action to back it up.

This is how you stop feeling stuck.

Journaling is one of the best tools to do this work.

Writing your thoughts down helps you process your feelings because as you write, you feel, and as you feel, you heal. 

3. Choose new, affirming beliefs

By the time you get to this point, you’ve done the hard work. You’ve allowed the pain to move through you, you’ve weathered the emotion of the dark night of the soul, which means you’ve created space to start living with the lighter side. So what would you like to replace that with?

You get to soak in your desires and feel the beauty all around you. The world can be a beautiful place when you live from this space. You get to choose the beliefs that align with who you are now and who you want to become.

Each day allow yourself to be immersed in this feeling.  Journaling is a great way to go deeper into becoming crystal clear on what you want for this next chapter of your life.

You need to identify yourself with how this new being feels.

It can feel strange at times because we get so used to feeling stuck, that moving forward and feeling light doesn’t feel like you at all. That is the beauty of this work

Slowly, over time, you lay the groundwork for transformational change.

As you go through your day, this deep inner work will naturally begin to shift your thoughts from negative to positive, from defeat to victory.

When limiting beliefs arise, you'll be much more aware of them.

They won't hold you back anymore, creating stress and confusion.

Instead, you'll notice as soon as thoughts appear that say you can’t or don’t know the answer, you can immediately shift to a new story that says you can do whatever you commit to.

BELIEVING YOU ARE WORTHY OF YOUR NEW BELIEFS

Allowing yourself to soak in the magic of your new beliefs until they become your natural state of being can take some time. 

This is when you need to show yourself more compassion than you probably ever have before. 

And please don’t beat yourself up if you slip from time to time, we’ve all been there, we all know how hard some days can be. 

However, when we tap into the level of awareness from the energy of our new beliefs, we stop living from a place of powerlessness towards the current ebb and flow of life.

We acquire a sense of resilience and confidence and recognise that we are the driving force of our destiny.

This intuition is innate in all of us.

Once you access this level of awareness you realise that to live in a conscious relationship means being completely honest with yourself and your partner. 

There’s no space for deceit or anger, that energy can’t exist here because the vibration is just too heavy and out of place.

You crave open communication with complete accountability and love. 

You yearn to take your time and listen to the emotion and feeling that sits beneath the surface. 

When you live in this space, sharing your soul feels effortless… You can tell this person anything and you know that your heart is protected. They would literally take an arrow to their own heart rather than allow yours to be hurt.

This is when you know that all the work you’ve done on yourself has finally come to fruition. The shadows have been drenched in the light and your awareness has been heightened.

Now you can see the gift of forgiveness is the most precious of all. 

Because without forgiveness you wouldn’t have become the beautiful soul that stands before us all. 

So don’t waste your energy anymore worrying about what other people think of you. You are the person who counts, and once you accept that, you can shine your light on those who need a little help. 

The older you get the more you realise how important it is to be authentic in all areas of your life, not just with those who approve.

So when you need to, embrace the messy unravelling that comes with owning your own thoughts and feelings.

Allow your authenticity to guide you to the deep issues. 

Cultivate genuine self-love.

Authenticity really does start with loving and accepting yourself unconditionally.  Being so aligned with your own truth, that you’re completely unaffected by how people respond to you – you no longer see other people’s opinions or behaviours as a reflection of your own value.

This is when you realise you are worthy of everything you desire. 

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